We’ll happily admit it, we love sex. And, it’s a fascinating thing to experience different ways of having sex – in different moods, different positions, and sometimes with different people! From endorphin drenched star spangled love making of the most romantic kind, to exciting hard and fast, there’s so much to try!
We got to thinking… what gets in the way of loving sex?
And because we’re ‘fix-it’ types (which is why we invented a natural organic Bonk Lube in the first place!), we thought we’d write some ideas down, and try to come up with some ways to work through them. We want absolutely everyone to enjoy the sex they have.
Choose to bonk the right person
If you’re not feeling appreciated, respected or desired by your sexual partner, there’s going to be a massive spanner in the works right from square one. It may be that this isn’t the right person for you to get intimate with, or that you need to make time and space to reconnect with each other.
Sex with someone who loves who you are can be gob-smackingly good, and fly-by-night encounters will have an extra frisson if that person shows that they are impressed by your fine self! Do a little self-analysis and decide how you need your sex partner to view you – do you need simple desire, an intellectual equal, or affection and tenderness? Do you need exclusivity, romance, hot sweaty fun – or all of the above?
Set your bar at a place that makes you feel great, and don’t let your choice of sexual partner fall below the standard you set.
Take a new look at beautiful
We’re constantly bombarded with images of the ideal look for a human being. Let’s get real! There are 7.6 billion of us and every one is physically different. If people only desired supermodels we would have been extinct thousands of years ago. For all of human existence people have been getting the hots for all sorts of people.
Everybody can be somebody’s favourite body. Start by making your body your most favourite body, and giving yourself a little love. (You can take that literally if you like too, because Bonk Lube is ideal for solo sessions.)
Give yourself a break, and appreciate the absolute freaking miracle that is your unique being. Create a self-appreciation space and have a long hot bath with yourself, or run like the wind and feel your heart beating, or book yourself in for a beauty spa session – whatever suits your style.
Try new things. Variety is the spice of life and with Bonk Lube you can be reassured that things will go smoothly! If you are lucky enough to have a long term loving partner, you can get so familiar with each other’s favourite moves that it all becomes a little predictable.
Talk with your partner about those secret fantasies and give them a whirl. Get the Karma Sutra and choose some new things to try – regardless of if they end in orgasm or in laughter, you will have brightened up your sex life!
Take Bonk Lube along for the ride to ensure silky smooth luxuriant loving. Personal lubrication is sexy in itself, and enhances the sensation of everything you try. Never underestimate the role of a good lube in foreplay – you can make sure all systems are go before you get down to the main event… this can be so much fun that foreplay becomes the main even and sex becomes the dessert!
Be good to each other
Have fun. Be kind. Enjoy each other.
Reclaim sex post-kids
“Hey honey, I’ve been thinking about you all day. Let’s go to bed early and celebrate each other’s bodies…”
When was the last time you heard that? If you’re married with kids, you are far more likely to hear, “Honey, I’m working late. Can you handle the kids tonight and I’ll get up early to them in the morning”.
Sex, post kids, is ad hoc at best and completely eliminated at worst. Gone are the lazy sleep ins that lead to hot morning sex, gone are the afternoon delights, and gone is the late night romance that leads to heady, and uninterrupted, lust-filled pleasure. Quite simply, the opportunities to be intimate have been drastically slashed. They have been designated to the little people in our lives.
The demands of parenting can leave us time poor and completely exhausted, and this in turn can lead to intimacy issues when our sex life gets pushed further and further down the priority list.
While we think we might not have the energy for it, having sex is essential in maintaining a connection as it releases our happy hormones. For women it’s oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and for men, it’s dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Oxytocin is also key for bonding as it increases levels of empathy. And who doesn’t need a bit more of that?!
So now you know why it’s important, how do you go about making it a priority again?
A first great step is not waiting till the end of the day, once all the other demands are taken care of, to think about sex. Find ways in your busy schedule to inject a bit of flirtation and seduction again.
Start small and see where it leads you:
- Write your partner a sexy note and leave it somewhere they can find it
- Send seductive texts during the day about what you’d like to do to them or what you’d like done to you!
- Wear that sexy lingerie buried at the back of your drawer, or leave it draped over the lamp
- Share a shower, you’ve got to wash anyway, right?
Once you’ve made a good foothold with flirtation, take it up a notch:
- Be teenagers again and go neck in the car after the kids are in bed (you don’t even need to leave the driveway!)
- Introduce new tools into your repertoire to keep it exciting, like perhaps a good organic lubricant
- Masturbate when the urge takes you (as long as the location and environment are appropriate!)
- Suggest new ways and places to get down and dirty while the kids are otherwise occupied
Don’t wait for your partner to lead the charge, take charge yourself. Reclaim the intimacy in your relationship by reclaiming sex. You will always be busy but little things can have a big impact. Remember to be seductive and flirtatious, it’s a great strategy to get your libido all fired up again and help keep sex at the top of the priority list!
Don’t let the digital age kill your sex life
“It began silently – we started getting home from work each night and spending long periods of time scrolling through social media – we wouldn’t talk for hours, and ended up falling asleep without even acknowledging the other one was even there.”
This is how one couple used to spend their precious bonding time after a hard days work – inadvertently ignoring each other, and their relationship in the process, just so they could feel up to date with all the latest happenings.
This might not send alarm bells ringing immediately, but when you stop and think about it how much quality time do you spend being intimate with your partner compared to the length of time plugged into the digital world?
Here are some classic examples of where your precious relationship time is leaking:
Social or Unsocial
The front-runner for all things digital – Facebook has become one of the most notorious distractions our relationships have ever seen. Anywhere, anytime, on a date, in the car, or even during sex! It’s important to nip this one in the bud before it becomes habit. It’s never too late.
Whether it’s a Netflix original, a TV show viewed on demand, a remake of an 80s classic or hours of Youtube clips about cats, we’re always looking for a good story to sink our attention into and be entertained by. And while we all need a bit of escape sometimes, the majority of us have become binge watchers.
From phone cases to stainless steel fry pans, the online shopping centre is always on and can lure you in and keep you hooked for hours on end, forever seeking the best deal. You know you’re in deep if you are convincing yourself you really do need that AM/FM radio solar powered alarm clock.
Online chitter chatter
Although online messaging is a great way to keep in touch with friends, somewhere along the way we seem to have forgotten that “keeping in touch “ doesn’t have to be on a daily basis! Texts, emails, tweets, posts. Here’s to using our voices again.
The first step in reversing that potential damage of excessive digital input on our relationships is admitting there is a problem.
Don’t let technology and the digital age steel your relationship! Reconnect now, the old fashioned way:
Light some candles, open a bottle of something delicious to share and cuddle up
Take a walk
Meandering through the streets holding hands is just good old fashioned fun
Have dinner together
Whether you cook, order in or go out, make sure there isn’t a single digital device in sight
Get loved up
Better yet, take yourselves off to bed early with your best sex toy, a bottle of organic lubricant, and see where you end up
It’s likely that if you follow this advice, you’ll sleep better, feel closer and have more energy. Spending quality time together where we’re focused on our partners is essential in maintaining a bond. There is no way of avoiding the digital age but it’s important to make sure it’s balanced, especially when it comes to our most important real-world relationships.