An insider’s guide to transitioning from self-loving solo fun to bonking!


Contributor blog by a Bonk Lube customer. Want to share your story? Email us. If we publish it, we will send you a treat!

Whoever thought there would be a problem with moving from masturbating (and enjoying those delicious sensations), to being concerned about how your body will adapt when you meet that amazing someone that you just want to bonk?

It isn’t always easy going from self pleasuring to being in a relationship where you are totally besotted with your new sexual partner – but suddenly you have someone else to please! You know you are in a magical moment that is a wonderful natural part of life, and you want to delight them by having that incredible orgasm…

Your body is so amazing, and to be able to have an overwhelming orgasm that releases all that tension that has been building up, wow… just wow.  An orgasm is something to embrace and be proud of. Isn’t it incredible that our body can give us such extreme pleasure? And to do this with another human being, that you have special feelings for, in a meaningful relationship – well, you just can’t beat it.

How long is too long for you to try to have an orgasm when you first start bonking?

Suddenly you find your mind and body are under pressure to be “pleasured” so your new hottie feels satisfied that they have manged to please you – and despite your attraction, it’s impossible because you have performance anxiety – and it was so much easier orgasming by yourself!

Why is it so hard to adapt from pleasuring yourself to having someone pleasure you?

I have a friend… okay let’s be honest, it’s me… “I have a friend” is so obviously me!!

I haven’t been in a relationship for two years and I’ve been through a fair bit in my life. After a sensational love affair which changed my view on sex and love, realised that I don’t want to have sex with ‘just anybody’. The whole idea of having sex with someone that I don’t have intimate feelings for… It’s just not me.

Great sex can take a lot of effort and don’t get me wrong, I’m up for that – but I don’t see the point in spending hours (again let’s be honest, it could just be minutes but I still can’t be bothered) trying to feel a connection with that somebody that really should not have their body near mine.  So I just light a candle, pick up my Bonk Lube – and voila!!

So self pleasure it is. And it’s great!

Now how am I actually going to take this self pleasure, which can result in a scrumptious orgasm in just 2-5 minutes, and is completely within my control (where I touch, how it feels, the perfect pressure, the amount of Bonk Lube – you get my drift…) and allow another person to take control and try to bring me to that mind blowing orgasm – when I can do it so well by myself?

It’s all about connection baby

Yes, I met someone and guess what… definitely voila. Self pleasure is natural and satisfying and it has its place – but there is no substitute for someone that you connect with, that you can try things with, that you know actually cares about you… no matter how much silky Bonk Lube you use by yourself.  It does feel even better with a special partner using it with you.

How to make the most of connected, consensual sex

When you find that gorgeous person that you can relax with, clear your mind, let that pleasure build up for as long as you need it to. Don’t feel that there is pressure – you know your body knows what to do.  It’s just about adapting to an audience and co-collaborator so stay centered in your body, enjoy every moment, every sensation and if it doesn’t come easily, tell your partner what feels good.

Start your sex life with a new partner how you want to continue. Don’t fake that orgasm as it will be too easy to fake the next one, and what’s the point of that?  Life is always so rushed so why rush the most natural thing there is between two people. I think people forget that sex in a monogamous relationship is the only thing that a couple can share – and that no one else can share.

Embrace that, value it and get your bonk on… but get your good bonk on.  Don’t fake it to make it!