Sex and Happiness: How Often Should Couples Have Sex?
If asked if there is anything they would change about their relationship, it is likely that most couples would have the same answer: more sex.
A decrease in sexual activity is something that many couples experience, especially if they have been together for years and go on to marry and have children. Nothing can compare to the passion and heat they felt when they first became romantically involved, so as they look back at the beginning of their relationship and compare, surely they can pinpoint the exact moment when things changed.
Should they feel as though they are unhappy in their relationship, they may relate that to how often they are having sex. If it is less than they would like, they want more. If it is as often as they would like, they still want more. Sex can be an area of concern for any couple; however, that doesn’t mean that the frequency of sex is what has caused things to become stale. It may be time to take a step back and give some real thought to this topic and consider that maybe it is the quality of the sex and the couple’s happiness that may be the real issue.
Sex is often considered a stress reliever. If someone had a rough day at work and just wants to relax or calm down, they have sex. For some, sex is as easily accessible as a nice cold beer, so if given the choice, more often than not, people will opt for sex. Although it can make a person feel less stressed, as it releases a “feel-good hormone,” it doesn’t necessarily make a person happier, at least not long term.
A 2015 study, performed by Carnegie Mellon University researchers, found that couples who had more sex did not feel any happier than those who had less sex. In fact, those who were placed in the group that was assigned to have more sex experienced a decrease in their enjoyment of sex and their desire to have it.
With sex being so enjoyable, it is understandable that couples who aren’t having it very often yearn for more of it. But, what about the couples who have sex once or twice a day? Is it just as enjoyable or is it just another item to check off on their list of things to do?
Not every couple has sex on a daily basis. Even those who get it as often as they want may find that they are never satisfied with the frequency. At that point, they should look at whether the lack of sex or the quality is truly an issue and how they can fix it.
What can be done about a lack of sex in a relationship?
Tamar Krishnamurti, a designer of the study performed at Carnegie Mellon University, pointed out that people should not attempt to increase the amount of sex they have, but their desire to have sex.There may be a lack in quantity, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there is a lack in the quality of the sex people are having. When looking at which is more important, quality is what can really alter a person’s mood and views on the relationship.
“The desire to have sex decreases much more quickly than the enjoyment of sex once it’s been initiated. Instead of focusing on increasing sexual frequency to the levels they experienced at the beginning of a relationship, couples may want to work on creating an environment that sparks their desire and makes the sex that they do have even more fun,” Krishnamurti told Carnegie Mellon University News.
How often should couples have sex?
Couples should have sex as often as they like to have sex. There is no set number, so as far as how many times a week varies from couple to couple, but they should have realistic expectations about how it can help the relationship. People should remember that just because they are having more sex it doesn’t mean they will be happier in their relationship. Quality is important here, so in order for people to want to have sex, they have to enjoy it. Couples may not be able to have sex as often as they did when they first got together, but they can achieve the same level passion and pleasure.