Dr. Justin Lehmiller surveyed over 4,000 Americans to find out what they fantasised about to research his book Tell Me What You Want. No surprise – 98% said they have fantasies. What’s not to love about a great sex fantasy? You can take it anywhere and share it with someone you trust, and maybe even make it happen in real life if consenting adult/s like the idea too!

1. More than one sex partner

Boom! Most people fantasise about adding to their duo with a threesome, or more. Hetero guys mostly fantasise about sex with two women, while hetero women are  less bothered by whether it is an extra man or woman joining the fun. For people in a relationship this multi partner fantasy normally included their partner.


3. Variety is the spice of life

Often fantasies are simply about change – changing your partner, having sex somewhere new and unfamiliar, trying new sexual positions or acts.


4. Forbidden temptation

The knowledge that what you are fantasising about is against the rules adds some extra thrill to sexual imaginations. Sex in public, sex with strangers, sex with someone totally off limits, sex acts you were raised to think were ‘dirty’ and illicit.


7. Same sex & gender-fluid encounters

As we acknowledge that gender and sexuality are nuanced spectrums, we are more comfortable exploring our own sexuality and the many shades of grey. Hetero women often fantasize about sex with other women, and at least a quarter of hetero men said they fantasise about sex with men or with a transgender woman. 

2. Power, control & rough sex

A fantasy about being held down and dominated is extremely hot when the person doing this is someone you trust. Fantasies people listed were centered around rough sex and  BDSM, with spanking, hot wax, restraints, biting, and more dominant / submissive action.

Take note: Fantasies about being overpowered and used roughly are NOT a secret wish to be raped.


5. Open relationships

Lots of us fantasise about having the freedom to take up the offer of extra-marital affairs without fear of repercussions. The idea of a partner secure enough in your love to enjoy the idea of you having sex with other people is pretty attractive, even if the reality is this isn’t a common scenario! These fantasies often include your partner watching, or you watching your partner have wild, uninhibited sex with someone else while you enjoy the show.


6. Romance & passion

It’s so sexy to be desired, and have a partner who breathes the perfect compliment into your ear while you are in the throes of passion. Rose petals and romantic sunsets, sex on a tropical beach with pina colada spilled on your skin and a new engagement ring on your finger… even fantasising about the sex being better, or your body being sexier can add some real life thrill! 

But wait… sexual fantasties may also make you smarter

A bunch of intrepid scientists researched the impact of romantic love thoughts vs sexual fantasy on the brain’s cognitive abilities. Research participants who fantasised about sex proved to be far better at analytical tasks right after enjoying a sexual fantasy or two. So hot sexy thoughts can kickstart the analytical part of our brain, improving our focus and problem-solving abilities. The group who were asked to think about love showed improved global brain processing that allows us to connect disparate ideas and see the bigger picture.

So use your morning sex constructively!

Need to be creative? Focus on your love for your partner and make romantic love. Have a tough analytical day ahead? Let your fantasies run wild and indulge in some hot kinky sex to start the day!