By Sarah Kramer, Tech Insider
1) Most people are kinkier than you think they are.
A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that at least a third of survey respondents engaged in some kind of behavior we usually think of as “kinky.”
Most popular were voyeurism (watching others have sex), fetishism (getting turned on by inanimate, non-sexual objects), and extended exhibitionism (having sex somewhere you could be caught).
Men and women were also found to be equally adventurous in bed.
2) Plenty of people experiment with their sexuality — even if they don’t identify as gay.
In the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, only 7% of women and 8% of men identified themselves as something “other than heterosexual.”
But when researchers asked if respondents had homosexual experiences, more that that said they had a same-sex hookup at some point in their lives.
Another study that found that one in 10 self-identifying straight men in New York City were having sex with men. And a report from Florida State University found that 11% of women surveyed said they’d had same-sex experiences in their lifetimes.
It’s worth noting that as long as homosexuality is still stigmatized in some communities, these numbers probably under-represent what goes on in real life.
3) She might not “finish” as often as he thinks she does.
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior also found that when they asked men if their partner had an orgasm last time that they had sex, 85% said yes.
But when the researchers asked women if they came the last time they had sex, only 64% said they had. (The gap is too big to only be attributed to men who had orgasms with other men.)
4) Men and women have similar fantasies.
Despite stereotypes, men and women actually fantasize about many of the same things, according to a 2014 study about sexual fantasies in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
While the top three fantasies for each gender varied slightly, there are definitely a few areas of overlap: 82.3% of male respondents, for example, listed the fantasy “having sex in an unusual place,” like the office or a public restroom, while 81.7% of women said the same.
Fantasies about oral sex were hands-down the most popular among men, and third-most popular among women.
There are other happy coincidences, too: 76.4% of men, for example, fantasize about masturbating their partner, while 71.4% of women want to be masturbated by their partner. That’s symbiosis if we’ve ever heard it.
5) No one seems to know what “having sex” is.
A 2010 study in the journal Sexual Health showed there’s a huge variation in what people consider having “had sex.” Almost everyone agreed that vaginal intercourse was definitely sex, but only 80% of respondents said that anal sex counted, and almost a third of participants disagreed that oral sex is sex.
Opinions on, uh, “manual stimulation” (with a partner), were split — almost half of those on the receiving end said they considered it sex, while just 45% of givers agreed.
6) Friends with benefits actually works (sometimes).
In 2015, researchers asked 300 college kids (an admittedly small sample) about sleeping with their friends.
Most of the partnerships didn’t have fairy-tale endings, but they weren’t total disasters, either.
About 50% of the students said that they stayed as close or became closer to their friend, even once the benefits stopped.
7) Everyone is sexting.
With the advent of smartphones, sending racy photos to your partner(s) is easier than ever. At least 88% of heterosexual adults report having sexted at some point in their lives — 82% in the last year. (The results came from an unpublished study presented at a conference last year, so we’ll need more research to back up these numbers.)
Most of those surveyed said they sent a sexy snapshot or sweet nothings to committed partners, but 43% said they’d also sent them to casual partners.
How Often Should Couples Have Sex?
Most couples would have the same answer if you asked them what they would like to change about their relationship: more sex. A decrease in sexual activity is something that many couples experience, but maybe it is the quality of the sex and the couple’s happiness that may be the real issue.
Can sex affect a person’s happiness?
Sex is often considered a stress reliever. If someone had a rough day at work and just wants to relax or calm down, they have sex. For some, sex is as easily accessible as a nice cold beer, so if given the choice, more often than not, people will opt for sex. Although it can make a person feel less stressed, as it releases a “feel-good hormone,” it doesn’t necessarily make a person happier, at least not long term.
Is there a such thing as too much sex?
With sex being so enjoyable, it is understandable that couples who aren’t having it very often yearn for more of it. But, what about the couples who have sex once or twice a day? Is it just as enjoyable or is it just another item to check off on their list of things to do? Not every couple has sex on a daily basis. Even those who get it as often as they want may find that they are never satisfied with the frequency. At that point, they should look at whether the lack of sex or the quality is truly an issue and how they can fix it.
What can be done about a lack of sex in a relationship?
Tamar Krishnamurti, a designer of the study performed at Carnegie Mellon University, pointed out that people should not attempt to increase the amount of sex they have, but their desire to have sex.There may be a lack in quantity, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there is a lack in the quality of the sex people are having. When looking at which is more important, quality is what can really alter a person’s mood and views on the relationship.
“The desire to have sex decreases much more quickly than the enjoyment of sex once it’s been initiated. Instead of focusing on increasing sexual frequency to the levels they experienced at the beginning of a relationship, couples may want to work on creating an environment that sparks their desire and makes the sex that they do have even more fun,” Krishnamurti told Carnegie Mellon University News.
How often should couples have sex?
Couples should have sex as often as they like to have sex. There is no set number, so as far as how many times a week varies from couple to couple, but they should have realistic expectations about how it can help the relationship. People should remember that just because they are having more sex it doesn’t mean they will be happier in their relationship. Quality is important here, so in order for people to want to have sex, they have to enjoy it. Couples may not be able to have sex as often as they did when they first got together, but they can achieve the same level passion and pleasure.