We are programmed to have a hunger for sex, just like we do for food. Sex, like hunger, is a strong basic human need. But is sex with one person akin to eating only weetbix for life?
Monogamy has a pretty bad rap. We’re told that sex with the same person for a long time will get boring, that we’ll lose the urge for intimacy over time. That once that first flush fades, you’re left with ashes of a sex-drive.
In reality, that hunger never goes away. Couples who let their sex lives become lackluster may end up looking for sexual intimacy elsewhere, but the drive for sexual connection doesn’t have a expiry date. Just like we work at keeping any aspect of a relationship fresh and alive – challenging each other, growing and being stimulated – couples need to consciously focus on sparking their sex life. Stay hungry, talk lots, do the work, challenge yourself and partner – and get ready for some next-level action.
4 ways that sex with someone you love is different – and better.
1. Mutual respect
When you’re having sex with a person you’re bonkers for – and who is also bonkers for you – you’re both aiming to get each other off. So you’ll both be more open to direction, attentive to subtle cues, and not stop ’til you make the other person have a hearty orgasm.
2. There’s no need to rush
Booty calls are exciting and definitely have their place, but it’s easy to get sidetracked by how you’re getting home, and what this stranger is thinking, and you can miss your chance to really have fun because of the distractions. When you’re in that sweet simmering puddle of love – there’s no stress to hurry and get going.Chances are, you’re staying over, or you live together. No rushing – take your time, hang out, have sex until you pass out, at which point you can (and should) order post-coital delivery food and more bonk, obviously.
3. Comfort lends itself to having an open mind
Which means you can get kinky! Yes – trying new stuff is easy! You might feel a little nervous to attempt a different position or experiment with toys (grab your bonk – water-based lube for comfort and safety) with someone you don’t feel emotionally connected with.When you know someone totally has your back and is going to protect you, you can let your physical and emotional guards down – all the way down – and have an infinitely better time.
4. Open communication means connection
Often, hot sex is all about communication – being able to tell someone what you like and what you don’t, understanding the subtleties of their facial expressions and body language, and a comfort about being open with each other. Like, once you’ve already told someone your secrets, fears, and dreams, it’s no big deal to tell them to go a little to the left. Or that you’d quite like them to [insert your fantasies here]!
Knowing each other really well lets you go deeper into intimacy. No need to wonder if your new partner will leap out of bed in horror if they discover the ‘real you’ – your sexual partner knows your quirks, maybe shares some of them, and is willing to indulge you in them! This is the real ‘no-holds-barred’ sex. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Go ahead and grab the sex lube – you’re going to need it!