In a world where we are rewarded and admired for “being busy” it’s far too easy to lose sight of the things that matter – the people that matter, the sheer experience of being alive – and the sensation of being sexually aware.

Sitting in rush hour traffic, the boardroom, at your desk – unless you’re deeply passionate about your job you could be forgiven for thinking that the days rush past without any real meaning or connection.

And as for sexuality and sensuality – they have been relegated to a hurried and furtive bonk on Sunday morning, or a short wank alone on Friday night.

Sensual vs Sexual

These two feelings are similar, both delicious, and often overlap – but they are not the same.

Sexual experiences (alone or with a partner) require an opportunity to arise… simultaneous desire, a private space, uninterrupted time.

Sensual experiences can take place anywhere, any time – in plain sight of anyone.


Create a list of scents you love and build on it. Things like the florals of peony flowers, sensual ylang ylang, vanilla in fresh baking, the crisp hygienic scent of Jif, crushed bay leaves, fresh lime juice, hay, your partner’s neck.

Suck on a mint and inhale to let the fresh minty air sting your lips.

Make a point of stopping to inhale whenever something on your list presents itself. Opening a fresh pack of coffee beans? Inhale. Unloading the dryer? Inhale. At the beach? Inhale. Making love? Inhale.


Play music you love, often and loudly. Tell stories with your loved ones and friends – pay attention to the tones of their voice – close your eyes and hear their smile.

Lay your heart on your partner’s chest and listen to their heart beating. Let your children tell you long meandering tales of their dreams.


Watch beautiful movies. Walk outside at dusk and gaze at the sky. Wait while your partner sleeps and pay attention to the fine hair on their cheek, the line of their lashes, the soft curves of their skin. Look at photos that enchant and engage you and look for the hidden details.

Pay attention to colours and see more than the primary hues. Watch how the light changes through the day and get up early to see a sunrise.


Run your fingers through your partner’s hair, stroke their curves. Pet your cat and stroke the hairbrush down your back. Take off your shoes and walk barefoot in the sand, or step on dewy grass.

Close your eyes and feel your own hands, slide across the bed and focus on how the sheets slip beneath your skin. Pull open an orange and feel the juice run down your wrists – lick it off.

Slick Bonk Lube on your body and experience the silky slide of sensation when your hands begin to move. Put a dab of Bonk lubricant on your partner and feel the secret contours of their body.


Crush a raspberry on your tongue. Sip a fine whiskey. Let your favourite wine slide across your mouth and hold it for a moment before swallowing.

Eat small pieces of tart, sour, sweet and spicy things or have your lover feed you tiny treats while your eyes are closed. Pay attention to the flavours, and textures and crunchiness of what you eat.


The sixth sense may be sensation. Kiss your partner long enough that you feel the heat rise through your body and the throb begin – even if you are saying goodbye.

Think about sex while you sit in rush hour and let the sensuality build. Sneak quick touches and caresses between chores and nuture a building expectation of what will come. Run your hands down your own body and experience how it feels to your partners.

By practicing being aware, you will build sensuality

And where sensuality leads, great sexual experiences always follow. A body that is aware is ready and alive to possibility. You will be surprised how quickly and willingly your libido rises to join the fun, when your senses are awake.