More orgasms for women

Talk about gender inequality! In a 2020 survey the orgasm gap was starkly illustrated;

  • 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate,
  • 6% said they climax during sex,
  • 20% said they never orgasm,
  • while a whopping 95% of hetero men said they usually or always climax.

Part of this is due to misguided belief – 30% of men said the best way to get a woman to orgasm was penetrative sex, but only 18% of women said they don’t need clitoral stimulation to climax. Part of this is social expectation, and part is lack of knowledge. Get out your oil based lube and rose quartz love wand and start experimenting.

If in doubt, read our Top Sex Tips for Women and Top Sex Tips for Men who Love Women!


With a long history in the Eastern art of tantric sex, ‘The Singapore Grip’ or ‘Kabzah’ in Hindi, is when the vulva is used to grip and massage the penis. Taking an active role in stimulation the vulva owner engaging in the act of pompoir uses their pelvic muscles to squeeze and massage while the penis owner is on the receiving end, with both partners remaining otherwise still.

Sensory Sex

To accentuate pleasure and deepen intimacy, try engaging as many senses as you can – sight, sound (ASMR or sex music), taste, and tactile with pleasurable sensations all over the body, rather than just focusing on the genitals.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM)

The odds are more of the people you know than you may think are enjoying their own unique brand of ENM. When a Herald columnist blogged about the new trend recently her inbox instantly pinged with random strangers, and friends, sharing their stories of ENM.

Not to be confused with simply being unfaithful to a blissfully unaware partner, ENM is designed to be an agreement between sex partners which outlines who, when, and under what circumstances extra-relational sex is acceptable.

For example the couple who both travel extensively for work and agree that ‘what happens on the road stays on the road’ – or the couple that allow one night stands with a limit of two sexual episodes per outsider to ensure that noone gets too attached.

Done well, it can be a wonderful thing. But it pays to check in regularly with your significant other/s on how they feel and how the agreement is working out. You can make any required tweaks to the rules as needed.

Orgasms for pain relief

Masturbation is a really effective way of reducing pain for many people – to get rid of headaches, reduce period pain, or just to induce an all-over feeling of wellbeing when you need a pick me up!

Next time you feel worn down, tired out or aching and sore, give yourself a massage where it counts!

Sustainable Sex Toys

It seems odd that you might have a keep cup, stainless steel water bottle, carry your own steel straw and not use ethical sex toys, right?

Add to that the fact that ethical conscious sex toys are more likely to be safe and non-toxic and you’ll be reaching for your rose quartz love wand any second now!

Hot tip – it doesn’t mind going in the shower with you!

Vanilla Sex & Intimacy

Research by Salience showed that when the second season of the romantic TV show Bridgerton arrived, online searches for ‘missionary’ soared by 22%!

Maybe we are tired of pandemic isolation, or jaded by the expectation for hard-edged dramatic sex acts – but recently searches for ‘physical intimacy’ are up 1,940% and ‘sexual intimacy’ has risen 150%. Maybe we are all in need of a good hug, and some sensual, old fashioned bonking.

Thanks to Pawel Szvmanski and Morgan Alley for use of the images.